Montreal Doula

Since becoming a doula I have been very privileged to see amazing births where mom and her partner were so connected and unbelievably in sync, I couldn't resist writing something to highlight the benefits of having a partner's support at the birth.
First a brief history- Men have not always been seen as or expected to be integral members of the birth support team. In some societies and cultures they are still not present during labor or at the time of birth. The difference in these cases is that these women are generally very well supported by female relatives, local midwives or traditional birth attendants. In our current birthing culture, women are separated from their usual support system, most of their family members have not attended or seen any births other than the delivery of their own children, and almost all babies are born in the hospital.
In the 1970's men started demanding to be present in the birthing room, instead of being placed in the waiting room while their wives gave birth. There was suddenly lots of pressure on a husband to be The Birth Coach. To be the unwavering, strong and supportive person for the laboring woman. This is a tremendous amount of pressure to put on anyone- but especially someone who has probably NEVER witnessed a birth, has surely NEVER given birth, and has probably has NO experience with birth at all. So, the husbands made it into the room- but, once they got there- what exactly were they supposed to be doing?!?
This is a really common question that I'm asked by couples and is one of the main reasons, I think, women want to hire a doula.They want and need the support of their partner, but neither one knows how their partner can be helpful. Seeing eager faces looking for suggestions and tips on how to help their partner is one of the perks of being a doula. Often the dads seem to have more questions and are so willing and excited to be supporting their partner for the birth of their baby.
The partner needs just as much encouragement and information as the mom. The main thing I focus on is to offer the partner different techniques for massage, encouraging words to say during labor, positions to help support mom and simply empowering them to feel they will be able to lovingly and confidently support their laboring partner.
There is still, after educating the partner on how to best support mom, a lot of pressure placed on this role. Not every person is comfortable to massage, may not feel they know what to say or do in the moment, and sometimes the length of labor or the actual reality of having their loved one in pain and not being able to "make it better" can be overwhelming. This is where having a doula can be so helpful. Sometimes, a small suggestion can change the course of a labor, and the couple will find their groove and start sailing through the contractions together. Other times, just giving dad a rest and getting him a snack can give him the time and energy he needs to continue supporting his partner.
In my experience as a doula so far, some of my fondest memories have been moments where partners have really connected and you can see they are truly working together to get their baby born. At a birth I attended recently, mom was having trouble coping with her very strong contractions during transition and was becoming slightly panicky. She really needed to focus on her breath, but at the same time needed strong hands to massage her back. Dad sat very close, they stared into each others' eyes, breathing through each contraction while I rhythmically rubbed mom's back. This was exactly what she needed to relax and soon after was 10cm dilated!
I've also seen partners lean in very close and quietly speak  to each other, with dads offering encouragement and loving words to help mom relax and rest. Another time a partner vocalized with mom through all her contractions. It helped him feel that he was taking an active role and being helpful and he later told me that he wanted to make sure his wife didn't feel embarrassed to be loud during her contractions.
In each scenario the partner is doing what comes naturally. Not something that has been preplanned or written out as an expectation of him in advance. You can't plan how a birth will go. Just as women can't predict the positions they will assume in labor, the sounds they will make while giving birth, or the possible roadblocks thrown at them during their pregnancy or birth- partners cannot plan out how they will act or react to labor. The best they can do is prepare, think about hiring a support person to help with suggestions and to offer a second set of hands, and -most importantly- go into the place of birth with love and support for their powerful birthing partner.

Let me just start this post by saying baby wearing saved my sanity during the first few months after having my son. Being able to put my son in his carrier and head out for a walk in the evenings, or when I couldn't put him down for a nap, or if I wanted to run some errands or even get things done around the house- having a baby-carrier was an absolute must for me. I think the same thing can be said for many mothers (and fathers too!). The benefits are many and the huge variety of baby-wearing options out there means that pretty much anyone who wants to find a carrier for their baby can find the one that's right for them. Even if you're not sure you're the baby-wearing type, or maybe it's never crossed your mind to wear your baby, trust me- once you find a good one you are converted for life.
As we all know, babies love to be close to mom and/or dad. The warmth of our bodies, our heartbeat next to theirs- babies simply know from the start that being close to their parents is where they belong. It's a continuation of how they felt being in the womb. Snuggled, warm, and the movements that they feel being carried around are exactly the same as those they felt while being waddled around by mom for 9 months. Historically speaking, baby wearing has been around for as long as we have been bipeds (walking on 2 legs, as opposed to 4), because for as long as we have been carrying babies in our arms there has been a need to have a hands-free option. Many sling-type carriers look almost exactly how original baby-wearing options would have looked- a long piece of fabric fashioned to be worn tied around the shoulders, waist and/or back so baby is securely and snugly carried. In some cultures women wear their babies almost the entire day as they are working, walking, socializing etc. For something to withstand generations of parenting without much change to the original prototype means they got something right pretty early on, I would say.
Numerous studies have been done showing the benefits on baby-wearing; some have shown that babies who are carried for minimum 2 hours a day cry over 50% less during the fussy evening hours than those who are not carried. Um- yes please! I don't know of any new mom who would turn down the possibility of a quieter evening with a newborn. Babies can be placed skin-to skin in a sling or wrap against mom or dads chest and instantly feel calm, relaxed and generally will be asleep within a few minutes. They really are the equivalent of a sleeping pill for babies.
The benefits carry on long after the newborn phase as well. There are certain baby-carriers that can be used up to or even over 40 lbs! (We'll get into the options a little later on.) Going for a hike? No need for a huge bulky all-terrain stroller. Want to go shopping somewhere with tons of stairs or sub-basement shops with no access? We've all been there before, but haha! Those of us who carry our babies just take the stairs and are SO glad we brought the carrier. Ever been to crowded outdoor concert or fair? Baby wearing means you don't need to maneuver your stroller through the crowds of people or get stuck on wires or roll over peoples' toes.(Although, strollers can totally come in handy in many different situations as well!) Sometimes kids just like to be carried. And who can blame them? I'd love to be carried around some days, able to sleep when I feel like it, enjoy the scenery from a comfy little spot next to someone I love. Studies have shown that children will have a more secure attachment to their caregivers if they've been carried during the first 3 months of life and that mothers tend to be more responsive to their child's needs if they are a baby-wearing mom. Research has also shown that "sling babies", as Dr.Sears calls them, show more enhanced visual and auditory alertness. This is because baby spends more time in a quiet alert state. There are many more studies that show babies who are worn are more attentive and can learn more as they are more "involved" in what the carrying parent is doing.
Whatever the reason for choosing baby-wearing, there are definitely a myriad of benefits which can be seen and not heard(!) literally minutes after baby is put into a sling or carrier. And who doesn't like smelling the top of a baby's head? No really. That smell should be bottled.

Here are some different types of carriers. There is a carrier out there for everyone, I promise. This is definitely not an exhaustive list, by the way, just an overview of what's out there.

Sling- Generally a piece of fabric sewn into a tubular shape, worn around the shoulder, baby is placed into the hammock area. Great for smaller babies and very comfy- you can also nurse while carrying!
The photo below shows a ring sling, basically the same idea, except the fabric is sewn into a ring on one end and the other end wraps into the ring to tighten the fabric. Cozy!





Wraps- Wraps are great because they can be worn by many different members of the family and no adjustment is needed because the wrap is tied on each time by the person carrying the baby and you don't need to buy a specific size. The fabric is generally stretchy and soft and there are many different ways to tie the fabric so baby can be worn in a variety of positions (back, front, hip, facing out, facing in, etc) Newborns heads can be safely held by the fabric and again, nursing in public can be discreetly done if you want while carrying baby in the wrap.



Soft Structured Carriers- These look similar to a mei-tai type carrier but use buckles to attach the carrier. This limits the variety of ways you can carry baby (generally just front facing in, or on your back facing in) but women love these carriers! Most have a pocket to carry extra stuff, a sleep/sun hood and toddler foot rests. I myself have loved my Ergo carrier for months. No back pain from carrying around 20+ lbs and because you use buckles to attach baby in there is no loosening of fabric at all.



Mei-tai- This is similar to the carrier shown above, but doesn't  use buckles to attach baby in, instead there are ties (mei-tai- similar to Me Tie? Hmm.....sorry, lame joke). Some women find this to be their favorite carrier because you have the same support as a soft structured carrier but the ability to adjust the straps and tie the carrier in different ways for your comfort.



So there you have it. My take on baby wearing, the benefits along with a little intro for those of you who haven't heard of or seen many different types of carriers. There are so many brands on the market, with so many great designs it's hard to choose just one. Most women don't. :) As your baby's needs change so will your carrier. A newborn will generally not be carried the same way as a toddler, and every baby is different. Like I said, once you find a good one you are a baby-wearing convert for life!

And for kicks and to show you all that dads can babywear as well, here's a shot of a great dad I know (wink, wink) carrying a sweet sleeping baby:



Anything to add? Got a great carrier people should know about? Any questions about babywearing? Feel free to post a comment!
And, as always, thanks for reading,
Megan